One Girl Revolution

It's been too hot to sleep all weekend, and tonight looks to be a continuation of that not-so-delightful trend. I'm fucking exhausted, but I am also, to quote Spider Jerusalem, "a fucking journalist!" Therefore, I will make an update, no matter how small, before brushing my teeth and collapsing.

- I ended up walking 3.8 miles today, between walking to work, walking back to my apartment to get the reading glasses I'd forgotten, walking back to work, walking to the store after work to pick up shampoo, and walking back. Given the fact that it was still pretty toasty in the early morning, I could have driven, but I didn't. I'm rapidly getting used to and enjoying a semi-carless existence; I'm more inspired to exercise when I feel like I'm actually doing something or going somewhere. (It's why I strongly prefer walking around neighborhoods to walking on treadmills, for example.) Walking to work and to nearby stores gives me the perfect opportunity for "stealth" exercise, and I do feel better for it. I'm not sure if I'll be able to continue it into the winter months, but we'll see what happens.

-I've also taken up swimming, of all things. I went down to the pool again yesterday evening; it doesn't seem like a big deal, but keep in mind that I've thought my body so repellent for so long that I haven't appeared in a bathing suit for, literally, years. I've lost weight since then, and I'm still self-conscious of others seeing me in a bathing suit, but I've taken up a new mantra - namely, "Fuck it - I'm going swimming." And it's real swimming too, laps and treading water and stuff like that. I don't have an official routine, just a hard rule - if I'm in the pool, I must be exercising. There is no lounging or floating.

I enjoy it immensely. I also like how you get out of the pool feeling like you've done nothing, only to find out that you've managed to solidly kick your own ass. It's fantastic.

- With the blessing and gentle encouragement of theycallmeboy, I've decided that I'm going to make a zine. Yes, for real this time. It's going to be a perzine, meaning it'll deal with my life and observations about such. I fully anticipate that it will be the most boring thing ever put through a photocopier, but if you want to judge for yourself, let me know. I'll be printing them out on on-demand basis, because I want to save trees and not have boxes and boxes of zines sitting around my apartment. I have enough crap as it is.

There will be minimal costs for paper and postage. More on this later.

And with that, I am off to roll around in bed while shaking my fist at global warming.

Man, I have a ton of links to post, but all I want to do now is write an entry about me. I've gotten boring!

I want to thank everyone who commented and offered advice in my previous post. eponabast, mavra_chang and I will be getting together this weekend, so we'll probably be redecorating my bag then. I might also go to the local Goodwill on my way home from work today and see if I can find any other canvas totes that can be converted into shopping bags. I could technically buy them new, but if I can save money and conserve resources by buying used as opposed to new, I'd be most happy. Of course, if I can find some more of the bags I got from trade shows that would be best. As much as I despise my job, the perk of free stuff is always nice.

If I have my act together, I'll remember my camera for some before/after shots.

I also collected a bunch of paper that I'm hoping eponabast can use to make handmade paper to keep or sell, if she so desires. She wants to set up an Etsy shop at some point, and I can't wait until she does - she's about 80 billion times more artsy and crafy than I am, so I know her stuff is going to rock. It's also a way for me to finally, finally put all the junk mail I get to use. Here's hoping it's the right stuff.

It's been absolute ages since I've had friends close enough to hang out with on a regular basis, and it's had a profound and positive effect on me. I'm more relaxed, for one thing, and I'm learning new things instead of just spinning my wheels in impatience. All of that has in turn boosted my confidence. I'm embarrassed for the awkward idiocy that was my high school and college years, and now that it's behind me, I'm making up for lost time. I feel better, look better, take better care of myself. The last quarter of 2005, all of 2006, and the first half of 2007 were hell, and though I'm still pissed that I had to go through it, I learned quite a bit from that period. Rule one - don't let other people chip away at your sense of self, your dignity or your confidence. It isn't worth it. It I were the tattooing sort, I'd get a tattoo as a symbolic gesture to remember that lesson. However, I have no desire to get one. But I would like to get some sort of...something. Something that I could wear or look at on a daily basis and remember the lessons of hells past and think to myself, "I've made it through that, and I'm strong enough to make it through anything."

If I had a place to plant it, I'd buy a sapling for the occasion. Maybe I should donate money to a tree-planting charity. But I'm afraid I'll forget it if I don't see it often. Hmmm...

I had a dream last night, but the only thing I can remember about it was that I was swimming in a pool with shadownex. I had a black T-shirt on while I swam.

I've worn T-shirts over my swimsuits since...a long time. I can't quite remember when. It was all about covering up the fact that I was huge at the time, and I did it for so long that it just became a habit. I'm going to be taking a swimsuit to Ireland in case there's an indoor community pool near theycallmeboy; I promised that I'd teach him how to swim back in March, but the timing didn't work out. It occurred to me that this venture will mark the first time I've gone swimming at all in at least five years, and possibly the first time I've gone without a T-shirt while swimming in at least 10.

Of course, I'm still planning to do the world's fastest locker room changing session and jump in the pool before theycallmeboy comes out. I'm not bikini material yet.

That's all I've got right now. Think Ima go out for a walk. Stretching your legs is always good.

Ok, here's a question I've been meaning to ask, but keep forgetting to.

I'm trying to cut down on using plastic bags for my store purchases, and I hope to eventually eliminate my use of them all together. I occasionally get cloth bags when I go to trade shows, and some of them would be perfect to use as shopping bags. Thing is, they usually have big ol' silk screened company logos on them, and that drives me crazy. I don't even wear clothes that obviously proclaim the brand's name; why should I pay good money to become a walking advertisement?

I'd like to know if there's any way that I can remove the silk screening from the bags that I have. I know I probably won't be able to get the patterns to completely disappear, but anything that could make them less obvious would be great. From there, I can probably cover the rest up with patches and such. Any advice?

I swear, I'm gonna live forever.

I am officially intrigued by this thing. If I could write fiction, I'd try to write a short story based on it. But I can't, so I won't.

Stopping a 'wave of hate'.

Transsexual trucker 'hounded out' for wearing make-up.

For the super hardcore DIYers - how to make tofu. Yes, really. Personally, I think I'll stick with just buying mine, thanks.

Terrorist Cheese and Terrorist Ice Packs are not a threat to you! And I have a question for the TSA - why do they seem to constantly hassle old ladies?

And now, some Harry Potter/South Park mash-ups. Enjoy! (Language NSFW)

Though I'm sure you're all getting sick of it, I wanted to let you know that I've put up an announcement at my shop. Here's what it says:

Shop Announcement
Pull The Plug On Cancer With Your Moonage Daydream Purchase!

From now until August 20, I will donate 10 percent of my profits to help sponsor my friend's participation in the 2007 Twin Cities Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk! If you would like more information on the walk, or if you would like to donate to her cause, please contact me. Thanks, happy shopping, and don't stop rocking!

Now obviously, I would like to help jumpinjessflash out as much as possible, so I'll need a lot of people to know about my shop. If you want to help out, you can buy something, link to my shop, or just donate to Jess directly. Her page is here, and any donations will be greatly appreciated - size does not matter, people. (You might want to use the dreaded Internet Explorer to view the page. For whatever reason, it has a tendency to crash FireFox, at least for me.)

Speaking of my shop, I need to get some sort of decorative banner up there. (onceupon has one on her shop, if you want to see what I'm talking about.) I'd also like to get some business cards printed up, sort of like I did with Forever Fifteen. The problem, aside from the Photoshop hating me? Well...I'm not really all that sure what to do, design-wise. My shop's theme and basis, "Rock and Roll Apothecary," is kind of hard to convey visually, I think. Obviously, the name of the shop was derived from glam rock, but I have a LOT of musical influences, so it wouldn't be fair to just peg it as glam and stick with that as a visual inspiration and aesthetic.

I dunno. If anyone out there has an idea that they can make work for the banner, the cards, or both, let me know. There'll be some free bath products in it for you.

In other news, there are still...six Apathy buttons left now, I think. You guys know the drill - leave your address over on this post (all comments screened), and you get a button and some cards to hand out in case someone asks where you got it. No need to memorize a sales pitch or act as a spokesperson, just wear the button. Done deal. Feel free to link people to the entry, as I have no problem sending out to people I don't know, no matter where in the world they are. Sales are picking up, according to theycallmeboy, so I'd like to thank everyone who has helped out, either by buying merch or helping us promote it. It means a lot!

And now, videos.

Little known fact about me: I've always harbored a fantasy of being a voice actress. Now, I know I can't act my way out of a paper bag, so I don't think I'd be all that successful. This guy, on the other hand...



And this one is for theycallmeboy, who apparently has never seen it! Classic!




And then there's this. You all knew it was coming:

There's more soap what's been made. I think I may have spoken about these earlier, but now they're up on the site and ready for purchase.

First, we have Black Magic Woman, a soap based on one of my body scrub recipes. Coffee. Brown sugar. Baking cocoa. Oh yes.

The next two are soaps named for Led Zeppelin songs - Heartbreaker and Dancing Days. Trust me when I say they both smell incredible.

Shipping prices have gone up by 50 cents, as it's apparently $1.60 to send one bar of soap in a small envelope. Still, that's 10 cents you guys don't have to pay, and that's always nice.

I want to give 10 percent of my earnings from this and other online sales (including the books I'm selling on Amazon) to jumpinjessflash for her breast cancer walk campaign. There's a link to her campaign on my links list, if you want to donate. And if you want to know what books I'm selling, let me know.

In other news, greed is winning out. Hopefully we can do something about it.

I made more soap today, god help me. Two of the bars involve coffee. Real coffee. (Not to be confused with real lightning.) And real brown sugar and real cocoa. Yes. Smells like Heaven's own Penny University and has a layer of coffee on top. (Top is slightly crumbly, but seems to hold up well, all told. Until it gets wet. ;) Two bars available, soon to be put up on Moonage Daydream, unless you comment below and reserve a bar of your own. $4 for the bar, $1.50 for shipping.

Also made two more soaps named after Led Zeppelin tunes. Above costs apply. Will also debut on Moonage Daydream unless you reserve them.

Observe the method to my madness here on Flickr. My soap is Internet famous. Or not.

Ugh - just spent most of the morning in a meeting. No matter - now is time for thanks!

First, I want to give a major, major shout-out to dandycat, dimloep_suum and caudelac for participating in the Forever Fifteen Button Giveaway. As soon as I get those things, I'll send them out to you guys, along with some cards to pass out to admirers. That leaves me with seven buttons - six, if I keep one for myself. I have a plan of handing out buttons at Electric Picnic, so I may hold onto one of them. That would be fun.

And, brazenbells bought some soap from me! Thanks so much, dear - it's all packed up and ready to head on down to you. Hope you enjoy it!

Now, I'm making good on my promise to donate 10 percent of whatever I sell online to jumpinjessflash's Breast Cancer Walk Fundraiser (link to her donation page over in my links bar), and thanks to Etsy purchases by brazenbells and theycallmeboy, I can give her a grand total of...80 cents. The deadline is August - anyone care to help me make it an even $1? Remember, I'm selling books on Amazon, too...

Oh! taperkat! Thank you SO MUCH for the link to MooShoes! theycallmeboy has been looking for some sweatshop-free trainers (tennis shoes/sneakers for us Yanks), and I'm delighted to say that he found exactly what he was looking for. He's been fishing around for stuff like this for so long - thank you so, so much!

And my love, if you're reading this, I just want to tell you (and the world) that I am very, very proud of you living your convictions. You're an inspiration to me every day, and this is no exception. Your example makes me want to be a better person. I love you.

In fact, his search for trainers has got me thinking about my need to purchase some of my own, and the possibility of buying some that are sweatshop-free, environmentally sound, or both. Thing is, I rarely wear sneakers for style anymore, so I'll need something good and supportive - I'm a daily walker, so I need something more supportive than the formerly all-American Converse. (Can you believe they were bought up by Nike?) Someone over at this MetaFiler post recommended Saucony, so I think I'll look into them for a start. They seem to be pretty readily available - in fact, there's a store that's on the way home from work that sells them, so I may have to check them out at some point soon. My tennis shoes, like the glorious ECCO sandals, have soles that are quickly wearing through. So the question is, should I keep the sandals and the tennis shoes through the summer and wait until after the trip to purchase anew? Does anyone know how worn out is too worn out? There's no point in wearing shoes that can no longer do their job, you know?

Another question - should I join MetaFilter?

Since we're on the subject of ethical shopping, Co-op America has a nifty little article about nine ways you can avoid sweatshops. Some time ago, I donated $20 to Co-op America and was supposed to get their National Green Pages guide. It's not here yet, but I look forward to reading through it when (if?) it comes. Not a bad reference guide, I imagine.

Lastly, since shadownex asked a question about the yogurt company that ordered up this ad campaign in Brazil (her comment here): I don't know if that company is owned by a larger, global conglomerate like Dannon, so I don't know how (or if) she can boycott if she chooses. Personally, I think the best store-bought yogurt out there is Stonyfield Farms - their yogurt (and milk) is tasty and high quality, their company is socially responsible, and the only "cows" they feature in their advertising are actual cows. Because at Stonyfield, women are people, not objects of scorn and derision. Thank you. *hops off milk crate*

I made...SOAP!

Yes, so I'm all proud of myself. Soap. Nice bars of soap. I call them Dive Bars. Because I'm so clever that I'm stupid. And yes, I KNOW the pictures suck. I have crappy lighting in my room and precious little time on my hands. Just trust me, they're awesome. And they all smell heavenly.

So now I just sit back, relax, and wait for the orders to pour in.

Ha. Right.

Sometimes you just need a good dinner, by which I mean good conversation, good atmosphere, and some good laughs. Good food helps too, even if it's not good for you. (More on that later.)

My dad and I went to this place tonight and had a grand time. Afterward, we went home and sat on the steps of his back patio (he's still fixing up the patio furniture) and looked at a book of Life photos from the past century. Then there was a little more conversation before I headed home and sang myself hoarse to AC\DC. I really need to quit with that - it hasn't caused any permanent damage, but I'd rather not let it get to that stage.

I really, really need to watch it with the fried foods - I had some for lunch and again for dinner, and good god, am I paying for it now. I don't feel sick to my stomach or anything - just really, really fat and lethargic in the bad, sluggish, "oh crap I gone done it now where's my fat jeans" sort of way. You'd think I would have figured out by now that I cannot eat like I used to, because my body needs real nutrients and lighter foods. I suppose old habits die hard, and the traditional foods served by my family didn't exactly help me develop a taste for vegetables. (Craving salads is a bizarre phenomenon I'm still getting used to.) I get the feeling that I will be having a cup of this stuff tomorrow morning; believe it or not, it actually does work. I'd like to try the Republic of Tea version, and I want to look into this one, too. (It can't hurt, really.) And then there's this one - I've taken to drinking the Celestial Seasonings mint tea, which is cut with chicory. I want to see what a straighter mint tea tastes like. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find the mint tea in stores. I'm not sure about the other ones, either.

Why all the tea? Don't worry - I'm not giving up coffee. It's just that I've hit on a marvelous idea to solve the "container problem" I was having with the products for Moonage Daydream - tea tins. I got some World Market brand mint tea that came in this neat square tin, so once I'm done with that, I'll be using it for a bath mix or something. I'm also toying with the ideas of repurposing glass bottles with resealable caps for the body scrubs. I like the double appeal of ecological responsibility and unconventional packaging - it's very rock, or at least in my estimation. It'll also save me from having to buy new containers.

Speaking of buying things, I need a tea ball, or one of those tea ball spoon things. The World Market tea is looseleaf, and even though I have a book on how to read tea leaves, I'm not sure they'd be too keen on that at work. I'll need you all to remind me. ;)

Hmm...what else. Actually, it's occurred to me that I could really, really, really do with a massage. Badly. Possibly even one of the full body deals, though I'd be extremely happy if I just had someone work on my back. It's been tense and painful for the past week or two. Sadly, that sort of thing doesn't come cheap, and I'm trying not to spend too much money. Looks like that'll have to wait.

Ok, I think I'm starting to get a little incoherent on account of drowsiness. I'm gonna write back to theycallmeboy and then head to bed.

I just sold another item on Half.com. Groovy! Now to divvy up the proceeds between charity, myself, and theycallmeboy.

Ugh...I have so much stuff to do. I have work to do. I have an LJ news community to create. I have jobs to apply for. I have products to make and prepare for selling. And I have a shop to promote.

I think you know which one I'm talking about.

I'm starting to wish I paid more attention in PR and marketing classes back in college. Maybe if I had, I'd have some sort of idea of what I could do. I don't know how much business theycallmeboy has been getting, but whatever the numbers are, I'd like to see them increase.

I was thinking today that one good way to start might be with a contest, with the winner getting an item of their choosing from the store. At first, I was thinking some sort of design/slogan contest - make something that can go on a shirt, sticker, button, mug, etc. If you win, you get your design on some products, as well as the URL to your site/store/LJ/whatever on there along with the Forever Fifteen URL. Another idea I had was a prize for creative marketing - get out there and make some noise for the shop, get a free item if your idea is the most creative one we see, or drums up the most business. (There would have to be some way we could measure that - a special code or something.)

That second thought led me to another idea: a street team. You know how every band on MySpace has a street team, the fans that post posters, hand out buttons, and generally promote the group in exchange for free tickets and swag. This would be the same principle, only minus the tickets, as there are none to be had. But hey - if you can drum up interest and drive up sales by talking, handing out stickers and buttons, or whatever, then you'd get some sort of reward. Not a bad idea, as long as I can figure out how I'd afford to buy swag for everyone.

Another thing I considered was buying ads in zines in exchange for paying a certain amount of the printing or shipping costs, but that might not fly in the zine community. I'd have to approach it very carefully.

I could always go the route of getting some business cards and/or postcards printed up. Overnight Prints appears to be having a sale, and I've been very satisfied with their work in the past. I could get the minimum number, then start passing out the little cards and sending out the big ones. I don't know if I know 100 people, but I'm sure I'd figure something out.

Another good investment might be buying some banner space over at GothicAuctions. Of course, that would mean that one of us would have to design the banner. I don't know how to make those animated ones. And I'm the only one of the two of us who has Photoshop. And every time I use Photoshop to do just about anything, my blood pressure spikes and I go into a homicidal rage. So unless someone wants to play around on a graphics program for us...

At the very least, I could buy some pins and hand them out. That's certainly better than nothing, but it still doesn't seem like enough.

I guess the key to making this work will be making people understand that they're not just buying stuff for the sake of buying it. When people buy stuff from the shop, they're helping invest in theycallmeboy's projects, like his films and zines. I wish there was some way to convey this without having to spell it out, because that always sounds like a hokey attempt at covert begging. I also need something that's going to work for me while I do all that other stuff I mentioned above. Sadly, I can't be on top of this 24/7. In fact, I think I'm supposed to...attempt to relax. theycallmeboy said something along those lines to me earlier this week. So somehow, I have to get all this other stuff done and relax. So...um...

...does anyone out there have any bright ideas for promoting a CafePress store? Or how to relax? Or how to get my heart to stop beating so damn fast? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I've been trying to figure out new and better ways to promote Forever Fifteen, and I suddenly realized that I have one big marketing scheme right in front of me. Or should I say, a bunch of small ones.

So, I'm a bookcrosser, right? And my books (presumably) go bunches of places and meet bunches of people. And in the process, they spread whatever messages are contained between their pages. Well, what if there was a message on their back cover as well?

I'm going to buy five stickers from the store to start with. Those stickers will go on books I want to cross; I'll write the URL of the shop at the bottom of the slogan, then hope for the best. I'm also going to post about this in the LJ bookcrossing community and the Bookcrossing.com forum to see if anyone else wants to help out.

And if you want to help, that would be awesome. Just write www.cafepress.com/foreverfifteen on things. Viral marketing and all that. Just don't get arrested. Or caught. And whatever you do, for god's sakes, don't use flashing, blinking Lite Brites placed underneath bridges or near highways. That's the last thing we need.

You have your orders. Now, go forth!

While the rest of the world was mourning the loss of Anna Nicole Smith, I've spent my day contemplating this.

It's terrifying. And it's easy to read it and get pissed off. I know I did. One read through and I was ready to write my typical rant, the one that says, "This is why I'm not a Christian anymore - because this is what they want. They've stolen my religion from me!" Because Christianity is my religion, even if it's not necessarily my spirituality at any given moment. The teachings of Christianity are my spiritual foundation, and seem to be the teachings that work the best for me. It's infuriating to see those teachings corrupted and perverted, and it's easy to slip into an us and them mentality. I admit that I'm guilty of it a lot these days when it comes to dominionism - after all, dominionists do it all the time.

But has Christianity really been stolen from me? The more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that it hasn't been taken as much as I, and others like me, have let it slip through my fingers. I've taken it for granted that these teachings could not be so solidly twisted, but of course I've been proven wrong. And then there's the other element from that post, if you look in the comments. The aid aspect.

People have been pointing out that the likes of Robertson and Falwell have been good - very good - at providing aid to the downtrodden, all the while making sure that their names, banners, and propaganda are everywhere. I've never liked that sort of shameless self-promotion - I'd much rather do my thing anonymously, without feeling the need to give people a reason why I'm doing it. My beliefs are philosophies are not important during a crisis; what matters is getting help to the helpless and doing what I can to get them back in their feet. Besides, I've always followed the belief of YMMV - Your Miles May Vary. What works for me may not work for the next person, whose beliefs in turn won't work for the next. It's part of why I don't like the idea of being part of a Christian charity group, because there's always the chance that you'll be expected to serve up some Gospel along with some soup. It's why I gravitate more toward groups like Food Not Bombs - not only does it give me a vehicle to do charity work, but it also isn't around to force a religious agenda on anyone. FNB's tenets are to share resources and promoting the idea that the government should spend money on caring for its citizens, not building instruments of death. And I'm down with that.

As much as I'd like to see secular/non-denominational get some positive press, I'm also not sure if the media blitz suggested will solve the problem. Nor do I think I have it in me to be one of those who takes on the political problems of dominionism head on. Oh, I'm sure I could - I can snark like there's no tomorrow - but I don't know if it would be good for me in the end. I wouldn't want to be nasty and cynical all the time, but I think I'd end up that way if it was my job to point out the inherent dangers of Christian fascism. I think the problem that the liberal and/or secular side of America has is apathy. We tend to give money to causes, but you don't see many people out there on the streets anymore. We agonize and write and theorize about what needs to be done, but we don't do a lot to implement theories or solutions. This isn't to blame anyone, as I'm quite guilty of this myself. It's just something I've realized the more I've mulled this over in my mind. We don't lack the will to change society, but we seem to lack the action.

Ever since I decided what I wanted to do this year for Lent, I have had, to borrow a term I've heard from many evangelical Christians (ironically), what I believe is a calling. I give a lot of money to charities, but recently I've found myself wanting to get involved on a deeper level, specifically by doing and making things. I'm a decent cook, and I think I'd like to make food for a local FNB chapter or homeless shelter. That part is easy enough, but I want to do more. Sadly, I don't seem to have any sort of talent for making practical, useful things. I don't have the patience for knitting or crochet, and sewing is something for which I have very little talent. What I do appear to have is a knack for herbalism, or at least futzing around with essential oils. (As an aside, I've made a blend for myself and a blend for theycallmeboy, and they're both incredible. I'm quite proud of myself.) This probably isn't something that is going to be useful or practical when it comes time to donate items for the less fortunate. I've always had an admiration for people who knit hats for children or make blankets or whatever they do. That's a skill and magic I most decidedly don't have.

However, in keeping with my attempts to make The Law of Attraction work for me, I'm not going to be self-defeating. If I think to myself that this newfound skill is useless, it will be. Instead, I'm going to just assume that there is a use and place for it in helping others, because for some reason, I think there is. I don't know how or why, but I have a good feeling about this. Maybe it will become a source of income or something, I don't know. All I know is that I feel in my heart that somehow, the path I'm on is right.

And as if to nudge me, this song came on Pandora just as I was getting ready to start this whole thing. The lyrics look a little bleak, but there's something about the music that imbues it with this powerful, positive drive. It's like The Powers That Be are broadcasting to me not to give up, because the fight is not lost. It may not be the same way for you, but hey, Your Mileage May Vary.

But don't use that as an excuse to sit by idly or to debate without doing. Spring is on it's way - think about using the time to grow a bit yourself. Find a talent and a passion, and trust that it will be put to good use. You're not here on accident - you have a lot to give.

If you're reading this, that goes for you, too.

I've just whipped together a spray cleaner that:

• Works exceptionally well on counter tops and ceramic sinks


• Smells pretty nice


• Disinfects


• Should be very environmentally friendly

I'm about 800 kinds of excited and proud of myself. Which makes me about 800 different kinds of geeky, I know, but I don't care.

I don't know what it is about recent days, but I've been in a very take-charge, take-no-crap, get things done sort of mood.

There's a fire in me that's never existed before.

I know that I've been going on and on about The Secret recently, so if I'm boring you guys with it, go ahead and skip this post. I think it may well be the last one for a while that deals with it directly, so just be patient - it'll be over soon.

Over the past few days, work has been absolute hell. Monday almost broke me, but a phone call from theycallmeboy cheered me up significantly. And thank goodness for that, or else I may have lost my focus. You see, I've been looking for signs - signs that the thoughts I've been thinking, the goals I've been aiming for, the thoughts and feelings and energy that I've been directing toward my goals are worth something. And the more I've been looking and open, the more they've come. It's from all places - books, music, even horoscopes. It's put me in a very, very empowered mood, and I'm starting to realize that there's more to The Secret and the Law of Attraction than just wishful thinking. It's an entire lifestyle change, and one I'm glad to undertake.

But I do worry about being overbearing. I worried about that last night as theycallmeboy vented some frustration to me about some problems he was having - lack of motivation, fear, an inability to get things done. And while I was sympathetic at first, the more he went on, something in me just...snapped.

Not in a bad way, mind you. I didn't yell at him, belittle him, anything like that. I just...I don't know what I did. It was out of character for me to be so assertive, because my first impulse is to coddle and soothe. But this time I laid it on the line. I told him to stop worrying about everything. I told him to list what he wanted to accomplish. I told him to list what he needed to get the job done. I told him to list the resources he had. And then, I told him to just do it. Whatever it is that he wanted to do - just go do it. I told him not to focus on the hows and whys. Stop asking permission to do what you love, and just do it.

I was worried after I did it. It felt good, like something I was supposed to do, but still. I didn't want to sound like a bitch. That's always been my biggest fear when it comes to being assertive with someone I love. I'm not in the business of forcing people to do things. And though he didn't seem upset, I was still worried.

So I asked...whoever is running The Show right now to give me some sort of sign - not only that I was on the right path, but that he was too. That things were going to work out.

And then today, a song came on the radio that I haven't heard for years. It got me through some dark times in college, so I was thrilled to hear it on the radio today. And I knew as soon as I heard it that it was meant for me? Why? Because I've heard the song on the radio a grand total of three times in my entire life - they played it twice in college, just long enough for me to get the song and download it. And then it disappeared. Until today.

Something Is Going On Here.

And the ball keeps rolling. Conor made a shop on CafePress, and when I looked at it today, I got a Feeling. Capitalized because it was beyond just being proud. Something about that shop feels right - like this was supposed to happen all along. What's more, it's inspired me to get serious about the herbalism so I can make a shop on Etsy - I've wanted to make things to sell for a while, and as I told Conor, it's time to stop thinking about the hows and whys and just do it. Make it happen. As you can see, I'll divvy up the profits to help him out - he wants to make a movie, and by god, I'm going to help him get it done.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it didn't have to stop there. In fact, it shouldn't stop there. I found myself thinking of the Heart of the World theater, which seems to miraculously raise the money it needs thanks to a world of patrons. If people can raise hundreds of thousands of dollars for a theater that many of them may never see, then why can't my love get what he needs to make his film? Why can't he get money (either through his shop or through donations), the tools, the people, everything he needs to bring his dream into our reality, our plane of existence?

His shop is called Forever Fifteen. He told me that he thought it would make a cool name for a production company.

And it does. It is. For though people can't see it just yet, Forever Fifteen Productions exists. It just needs some help coming into this world.

Advertising his shop should be easy enough, thanks to the zine we're working on. That will help raise money for the other things he needs. (Or things that I thought he might need.) As of today, Forever Fifteen needs:

-A website
-Production funds
-Equipment (cameras, film, lights, etc.)
-Actors
-"Investors" (people who will donate time, money, talent, and good thoughts)

I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to do everything I can to bring these things to him, because that's his dream. And because it's mine, too. Because when you love someone, your greatest dream is to see them happy.

I know it's going to happen. I can feel it.

I thank you all in advance for your support.

coterie_diaries has been resurrected and repurposed, and now it's ready to go!

The community layout and design (which was generously donated by jou back in the day) has not changed just yet. I don't know if I will do that or not - on one hand, I would like to give the place a new look to celebrate its new life, but I also don't want to discount the time and energy jou put into the initial design, either. I suppose time will tell, or something.

For now, the community is ready to accept new members and head into its new direction, so go ahead and check out the profile, join, have fun, and tell all of your friends. I'm interested in seeing who shows up and where things will go from here.

Thanks to both current and new members for their support, and thanks to teaandbitchery for giving me the idea in the first place. Now, grab your beverage of choice and join the fun!